When we lose somebody,
we enter into a new phase of remembering.
We’re going to hear or see something
that reminds us of them.
It’s important to embrace that moment
and those memories,
because those are the
jewels of that person’s life.
So here are a some “jewels”
my mom left me.
Hearing her greet me w/ “Hi Sweetie Pie!” “Hello Lover Girl”, “Hello Dearest”. “Hello, my sweet daughter, Allison!”
When Asked How she was doing, she’d say, “I’m doing absolutely fantastic! How are you?!”
She rubbed my back as a kid while she talked on the phone.
We’d go on walks to Murray park and feed the ducks.
A cemetery was on the way, so we’d sometimes walk through too.
We’d sing songs I learned at school, like, “I love you, a bushel and a peck. A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!”
She sometimes made these silly sounds while doing things. Like when she speed walked, she’d go, “choo-choo-choo”.
I love to copy her sounds now.
She had a cute laugh, that she’d try to stifle with an almost sinister look.
She told me that she had an Uncle who used to try to scare her w/the “Claw!” and she’d try to mimic a contorted hand and making a scary face and tickle me!
I think I laughed harder at that a hand was supposed to scare me.
She was interested in others and liked talking to all different types of people.
She didn’t want to stick to any mold.
She could get people who appeared tough to soften and open up to her.
People knew her sincerity and I envied that.
But when you’re an adorably short, cute, fun-loving and curious person, you’re just likable!
My mom sometimes talked to things as well, because she thought it’d help them do better.
For instance, she’d encourage her plants when she watered them,
or her car when it wouldn’t start.
Her cars all had a name. I remember Gertrude, Mama’s Hot Rod and the Gold Bomber.
She loved going to the Art’s Festival and eating ethnic food, especially Mediterranean, Indian, Chinese and Mexican.
We’d often go out to lunch to these kinds of restaurants, which felt like such a treat for us.
One of the last things she asked me about before she died was if I liked Mexican food.
Her favorite treats were
Divinity,
Peeps-those little sugar-coated marshmallow bunnies,
and Chocolate.
Her favorite mug was purple w/a hippo on it that said, “I love you more than chocolate”.
As much as my mom liked food, she did not like to cook.
After my parents divorced, I became very acquainted with the “gourmet” options of the freezer foods, and I liked them!
I thought she really sorted that dilemma out!
She cooked things I really liked too:
Stuffed Peppers,
marinated steak,
Tacos-w/tomato sauce,
boiled artichoke hearts,
Kielbasa and sauerkraut.
My brother, Blake vividly remembers her making tomato soup, as do I.
She made creative snacks like
Paprika on Saltines (my brother Eric reminded me of this),
and popcorn w/some obscure salt seasoning that I wish I could remember.
After her brain injury, she wrongly remembered herself as being an “excellent cook” and that she enjoyed doing it.
My mom kept a tidy home and hated clutter. Something she has passed onto me.
It makes me smile that I’m like her in some respects.
When she’d get a reaction from someone for something nice that happened to her, she’d sheepishly smile, raise her brows and nod her head.
When she’d get a compliment, she’d either say, “You think so?”
or her face would light up and she’d say, “Wow-wee!” and throw her arms out.
After her brain injury, she’d pause, tilt her head, furrow her brows and softly say, “How nice of you!”
Vanity was something very important to my mom.
She always had painted nails and wore earrings.
When she’d apply her lipstick, she’d say in an uppity voice “I have to look beautiful for my public” and then laughed.
She once had a mirror in the bathroom that loudly said, “You are SOOO beautiful!” every time we passed by.
And it startled me!
She’d style her hair really nice.
When she got cancer and lost her hair, she’d sport her bald head with her lipstick, earrings and her cute style.
I saw how people would watch her and smile and I’d think, “Yes! She IS courageous, and I’m so proud of her!”
If she liked my outfit, she’d say, “That’s something I would wear.”
After her brain injury, she stopped caring about these things and it was so unlike her!
My mom liked to shop. She loved to get jewelry, purses and clothing.
When I was younger, she’d take me shopping for cute nightgowns with my allowance.
She loved yard sales too, something I was so glad of, when she couldn’t drag me to them anymore.
One Christmas, money was really tight, so my mom couldn’t get many gifts for us.
And they had to be cheap.
So she got things that were normally a splurge for us at the grocery store: whitening toothpaste,
A large stock of beef jerky,
And several cute hair scrunchies!
And her Trick to make the Unwrapping last longer was to overly tape all of the gifts.
It was so annoying, but she found it hilarious.
It’s now one of my favorite Christmas memories b/c she made it feel special and fun, which shows so much love.
My mom always carefully removed the wrapping paper from her gifts, even though she’d end up throwing the paper away.
I asked her why she unwrapped her gifts this way and she said,
“to make it last longer”.
My mom loved having her head scratched and her hair played with.
She often rope my friends into playing with her hair,
and they loved doing it!
I was not happy about it so I’d protest, “Mom! They’re my friends!” but that didn’t change anything.
After her brain injury, it seemed she loved her head scratched even more.
When I’d do it, she’d scrunch up her face and say, “Oh that feels so good!”
My mom mostly liked country music
and danced the western swing in style.
Or square danced in these loud poufy skirts…
So I was shocked when I learned that she absolutely loved a hit 80’s dance/rock song called, Simply Irresistible, by Robert Palmer.
She did this shoulder dance, with her head kind of back, eyes mostly closed and all this attitude like this was cool!
As a 9 year old kid watching her, I thought it was silly and she was too “old” to be cool.
Now that I’m older, I see how beautiful and actually very cool she was, in a better sense of the word than I thought.
She was not the most coordinated person though.
She’d often trip then bounce back up like nothing happened.
She called it falling gracefully.
She briefly tried using a cane during chemo, but it was too confusing.
Bikes were out a long time ago.
She once jumped off her bike with me strapped in the back when we reached our yard.
She couldn’t stop because her legs were too short for the bike.
I was ok.
All my mother wanted to eat when she was pregnant with me was watermelon.
The doctor worried about my brain development, so she started eating more things but…
it might’ve been too late… Kidding!
My mom often told me that I was smart and self-motivated.
Hearing this, I realized how much her approval and this compliment meant to me.
She’d leave me notes of
where she was,
chores I had to do
and that she loved me.
These notes always made me feel good,
Especially when I was a difficult teenager needing that reassurance.
We had a lot of talks
on our walks,
in the car while driving,
and over the phone.
Post brain injury, she started saying,
“I love you, and I always have.”
It felt good to hear, so I’d push further
by asking, “Really?”
and she’d add (in a deeper voice),
“Big, big time.”
My mom always had To-Do Lists.
She loved to read books
and write in her journals
(she has volumes and volumes of journals).
She once wrote some articles for a newsletter to an organization
she belonged to.
She even wrote her life story,
A Struggling Butterfly.
The title is from an analogy to describe how she tried to handle her tragedies with grace.
It’s been a treat to go back and read that book as well as some of her journals.
At one point, she was a leader for
Tough Love, a support group for parents with hard kids.
She mentored parents and encouraged them to stick with the program
because I was a success story.
But she was part of that success.
I was impressed w/her leadership and dedication.
For work, my mom had been
a secretary,
took care of other people’s kids,
and some elderly folks.
Her last job was giving out food samples at Sam’s Club. I loved that she did this because those food sample people are some of my favorite people in the world!
Many of you know that my mom struggled with Bipolar disorder.
She was diagnosed as a teen.
She had to overcome a lot of obstacles that I haven’t had to,
so I can’t fully understand or appreciate them.
My brother, Blake, said it was nice to talk with her because she understood
the highs and lows of being chemically imbalanced.
She was a strong woman
who knew her limits
but challenged herself
and pushed for the best situations in her life.
She could be very determined. Someone once called her a “Tough Old Bird” and she’d often repeated it to us.
And we’d agree,
She kept a forgiving, sweet, loving, funny, and tenacious nature.
Just to illustrate her spirit,
when she’d get down,
she’d say with a smile and all of the enthusiasm and assurance,
“Fake it til you make it!”
When my daughter Sydney was little,
my mom was watching her play
as Sydney hummed to herself.
My mom observed, “she’s a happy person”.
I asked her why she thought this, and she answered, “Because, happy people hum.”
I think of her saying that whenever I find myself humming.
My mom was special and imperfect.
She made mistakes that hurt, were curious, and sometimes funny.
It’s part of what makes her human and relatable,
especially as I examine my own mistakes and imperfections.
I saw my mom go through some
Different phases in her life:
marriage, divorce,
being a single parent,
romance, companionship,
having Fun friends, then Few friends.
I saw her experience Depression, Joy, financial worry, Security, Comfort
even Excitement.
She had Health, Cancer twice,
and Wellness again,
then Illness again.
I wonder what she Had,
to be the person she was.
I admire her.
I wish I had more compassion and understanding during her harder times.
She had phases that I only know about:
Like being a Kid, Teen,
New Wife, new Parent to her first 3 kids,
experiencing the death of her son Todd…
Those seem like other lifetimes…
And I only know my mom from the
Point of view as her Youngest Child.
It’s fun to imagine her life in other categories, and what it must’ve felt like for her.
I got to see some Video Clips of my mom at her Bridal Shower,
as a young Newlywed
Skiing (my mom skiing??!!)
Her 1st husband Len playing fetch with their dog
Then he and my mom getting into a white sports car with their baby, Kelli.
It’s special and fun to hear
other people recall their memories of her because I get to see her through a different Lens.
For instance, her longtime friend Yvonne, shared that she remembers them
cutting school to visit their old high school but got caught.
I gotta say, that was a lame choice
to leave school for another school,
but I wish I’d known that when I got caught!
Her cousin, Larry, had been close with her growing up.
They called each other “Cuz”
They’d go on double dates with friends.
And stayed in touch throughout their lives.
She admired his accomplishments.
Her brother Dean wanted to be here
but couldn’t due to his health.
He wanted me to say some things.
when my mom was little,
she was misdiagnosed w/ADHD and was put on the wrong medications for a bit.
My mom was Dean’s little sister by 8 years. She would do nice things for him,
like making his bed,
then Con him, saying he had to pay her.
Dean said that when she wanted something, you better get of her way, because she was going to get it!
In High School, a guy once tried to take advantage of my mom.
She was able to get away.
But then went back to his house,
with her big brother to Beat him up and
teach him that he couldn’t get away with it. (Go Mom)!
Dean said my mom had a tough life
but he was Really Proud of her
because she Never Gave Up.
He’s Happy & Proud to have been her Brother.
And said I was Blessed to have her as a Mom. And I agree.
Her Absence still Seems Impossible to me because she was such a special person and powerful force in my life.
She’s just so Vivid to me.
I like to pretend I’m talking to her sometimes.
And I love looking at her Pictures over the years and smile at the Person she was.
Knowing her and having her love makes me feel Lucky and special.
So Mom, Thank you for all the precious jewels you gave us. They’re beautiful.
Allison Marie Platt Stephens
Angel Prairee 